Before 2017, there were really only three moustaches and they were all bad. You’ve got the rough and rugged Dennis Hopper in Easy Rider style, which is great if you’re a rough and rugged guy but they generally don’t read menswear blogs so it’s probably not for you. The second is the twirled tash, which is fine if you’re Poirot but it still carries the subtle scent of pipe and plaid that have hung on it since the 00s. The third is the pencil thin, incredibly well-groomed moustache, which heavily implies excessively lengthy foreplay and mirrored ceilings and is for bachelors who own silky his & hers nightgowns.
Thankfully, these have all been consigned to the barbershop bin where they belong and have been supplanted by this tash & stubble combo:
Also known as ‘The Magnum’, it tempers the tash with a bit of a beard, letting the moustache low-key slide back into the menswear conversation through the backdoor, like a disgraced celebrity in sunglasses and a baseball hat. Its popularity comes, at least in part, from men being bored of their beard but not willing to go totally clean shaven. The famous Topman Brand Editor Dan Copley who, for better or worse, tries these trends out before anyone else, put it like this: “For years I was bearded, and whilst I didn’t buy into the whole urban lumberjack heritage-guy thing, it definitely became part of my visual identity. Going totally beardless felt weird after so long, but having a moustache and stubble is a comfortable compromise and feels like a fresh look that not too many people are going for right now. I’ve also conducted a small survey, and the results suggest I’m now 215% more sexually attractive with my new ‘tache.”
Whilst we can’t comment on how sexually attractive Dan may or may not be, we can say it’s a solid look and everyone from Jamie Dornan to Henry Cavill seems to agree. We also can’t really say why it’s become popular. While researching it I came across more than a few hand-wringing thinkpieces about how the tash’s new found popularity is a reaction to traditional masculinity’s violent prolapse in the face of equality. These seem to be written under the assumption that when they’re in the barber’s chair men are subconsciously deciding to stack all of their facial hair bristle to bristle on the beachhead of modernity in an attempt to turn back the tide of progress. This is, of course, total nonsense. Men are getting it because it looks cool and it’s different.
If you fancy giving it a try, one of the great pleasures of having a moustache is how easy it is to both get and maintain. Adam Bodini of London Barber Ruffians says to just ‘have your beard trimmed down to either a number 1 or a 0.5 with clippers. Personally, I think the cheeks and neck are best left natural with this look but if your work calls for a more groomed look you can go for clean lines here.’ It’s that easy.
A word of warning though: we did a quick survey of women in the office on their opinions on this moustache and they were almost universally unkind. One member of staff went as far to say that they made her think of ‘sexual predators’. So, you know, maybe make sure your girlfriend/boyfriend is cool with it before you take the leap.